I turned 25 a few months ago, and I guess hitting
the quarter life mark officially makes me an “adult” adult. If you'll ask the Little Prince, I'm now a grown-up – sophisticated and consumed by the non-essentials.
Ironically, I feel more optimistic compared to
my previous New Years. My life is not perfect and I'm not being Little Miss Sunshine
and rainbow-farting unicorn here, but I'm slowly entering a phase where gratitude over
simple joys is queen. A time, I hope, will also be more intuition and
spirit-led, since I'm tired of second-guessing and being hard on myself, and
of being selfish to others.
It may sound corny or gory (depending on your
perspective), but what are the chances that I’m still here, alive and
breathing, when the whole world, including my country, has become a mass killing
field? Not to mention the accidents and tragedies that can rear their ugly head out
of nowhere.
There’s a reason why I’m still here, and I will
not waste my time being grumpy and ungrateful when our bleeding and bandaged planet needs every bit of positive energy it can get to heal its multiple wounds.
According to Plato, "An unexamined life is not
worth living.” So to mark my 25th year on Earth, I'm listing 25 things which I think I now know – a result of my mistakes, serendipitous discoveries, and long periods
of staring at the ceiling.
In some ways, I also hope this exercise will allow me to reconnect with that child-like faith, empathy and wisdom that adulthood often kicks into a corner.
On being yourself
(when society keeps turning you into someone else)
One. 25 is about
being a living proof that God indeed looks after fools. That despite me being a geographically-challenged
idiot (aka no sense of direction) and my woeful lack of life skills, I’ve
survived this far. That’s enough cause for celebration (and comfort for my
often clueless parents).
Two. 25 is about not
letting your insecurities and preconceived flaws prevent you from sharing
your gifts to the world. Your LinkedIn profile may not say supermodel, but
there are many better ways that you can be super.
You may not be runway-worthy skinny, but your hands can feed a hungry child
and your voice can soothe a mourning widow.
In an era of airbrushed photos and curated Instagram posts, our
imperfections can serve as bridges to empathize with other people. May we all
have the courage to keep it real and sincere.
Three. 25 is about
learning to be comfortable in your skin. And when that’s hard
(aaaarrrgggh!) because you are born weird, odd, awkward (synonyms for wonderfully unique), just do an Audrey Hepburn:
“You can even say that I hated myself at certain
periods. I was too fat, or maybe too tall, or maybe just plain too ugly ... you
can say my definiteness stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and
inferiority. I couldn't conquer these feelings by acting indecisive. I found
the only way to get the better of them was by adopting a forceful, concentrated
drive.” - Audrey Hepburn
Four. 25 is about knowing
that some advice, even if well-meant, may not necessarily apply to your
circumstances. In the end, you are the final judge of what is right for
you based on what your heart and your inner voice are telling you. Discernment
requires humility and the silencing of the ego.
Five. 25 is about
learning that most articles/videos/whatever dissecting millennials are
plain baloney. We might be shaped by different circumstances (which for my
age range is the explosion of the digital age), but overall, every
generation has its own fair share of good and bad apples. Being a
millennial neither makes you special/ entitled nor spoiled/self-centered. You
are who you choose to create, period.
On growth and those
big, audacious dreams
Six. 25 is about
figuring out how to lean in and break the glass ceiling, while keeping
true to your natural temperament. Not all great leaders are
table-pounding, Type A extroverts, many of the best ones are introverts
too. (Think of Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In)
meets Susan Cain (Quiet Revolution) with a sprinkle of Arianna Huffington
(Thrive))
Eight. 25 is about accepting
that writing is hard, but inescapable. It involves the difficult task of being vulnerable
and opening your soul and mind so people would be able to relate and feel
your sincerity – miles away from superficial oversharing which looks like
much but tells so little. It’s getting over the fear that your voice
doesn’t matter, and that everything worth saying has been said already,
because you know that your voice and your message do in fact matter.
Nine. 25 is about
having plans and milestones, while learning to be flexible and
spontaneous. To quote Bo Sanchez, “marry your purpose, hire your strategies.” Know when to let go and dance to the waves and rhythms of life.
Ten. 25 is about
recognizing the importance of communities and finding your tribe. You have to be surrounded by people
who believe in you and your vision no matter how crazy and untested it may be. They are your rocks in a society that is
comfortable with the ordinary.
On holding on to
what you believe is right
Eleven. 25 is about
keeping true to the values that you hold dear, and sticking to your
non-negotiables. As one of my favorite teachers puts it:
"Have high standards. Don't put yourself in a pedestal, but don't settle
for society's minimum either.”
If being conservative means you can conserve the values and virtues
you believe in, and being a puritan means that you have deep regard for
purity, then proudly wear those labels. After all, what is a woman without her
principles?
Twelve. 25 is about
realizing that the real essence of feminism means extending your hands to
help other women. And true empowerment requires helping them to see the good,
the bad, and ugly effects of their decisions, enabling them to choose what is right.
Thirteen. 25 is about
knowing that freedom and real love equals responsibility. We talk about
our rights, but we do not talk about what is right. Often, when we are passionate
about a certain issue, we like to share only the pros to rally people to
our side, while turning a blind eye to the cons. No wonder that even terrorists
think they are dying for a worthy cause.
On grit
Fourteen. 25 is about
learning to bounce back from life's setbacks, failures, and
disappointments. Life's rejections are merely God’s redirections.
Fifteen. 25 is about
focusing on what you can control, and letting go of what you cannot. It’s about
choosing to impact the world, instead of being affected by it. You cannot
be responsible for other people's actions, but you can own your decisions.
Sixteen. 25 is about
accepting that, at any point in time, you will not have everything in your
life figured out. That even if you take a six months break from work,
you'll still feel a certain degree of restlessness. And that's okay,
because that blessed unrest is what will save you from mediocrity and
complacency.
Seventeen. 25 is about
being okay that you are afraid. Feel your fear, and do it anyways. The
things that scare you the most are the things that will give you the most
confidence once you’ve managed to conquer them.
To quote Marie Forleo: “Life doesn’t demand perfection. It doesn’t require
you to be fearless, confident or self-assured. It simply requires that you keep
showing up.”
On Taking Care of
Yourself (So You Can Better Take Care of Others)
Eighteen. 25 is about
learning to love and take care of yourself first, so you can better take
of others. You cannot give what you do not have.
If you’re single, it’s also about loving your solitude and independence.
Focus on being Ms. Right, because even if Mr. Right doesn’t come, then you’re
still all right! (I know, corny but you get the point. And FYI, if someone really wants you in his life, he'll make
an effort to keep you there. Goddesses don't beg.)
If it turns out single-blessedness is your thing, then that's also fine,
because you can nurture the world in many other ways outside the traditional
roles of wife and mother.
Nineteen. 25 is about not
depending on other people for your happiness. It would be unfair to expect
any human being to complete you, because sooner or later, we’ll all fall short, and
yes, we’ll all die. The only thing that can fill that God-shaped hole in
your heart is God. St. Aquinas beautifully says it: “My soul is restless
until I find rest in You.”
Twenty. 25 is about
reading more books, because you can never read too many books. They serve as secret gardens where we can escape and come back renewed and restored.
Without arts and literature, human beings are doomed to a dreary,
unimaginative existence.
Twenty One. 25 is about realizing
that life is a balancing act. You do have enough time, as long as you
prioritize the right things. Your relationships, health, and finances –
these are seeds that you must sow and nurture as soon as possible.
Twenty Two. 25 is about
being financially literate, while knowing that there is a line that
divides the frugal and the miser.
What’s the use of saving a few pesos if it degrades the quality of your
experiences? Or being able to buy cheap products, and yet something else is
sacrificed in the value chain – whether it be underpaid laborers or your own
health, perhaps?
Ultimately, the real purpose of wealth is to love others – whether you are
in the process of saving it, earning it, or spending it.
Twenty Three. 25 is about discovering that despite all cutting-edge scientific breakthroughs, holistic health
is all about going back to the basics and to nature.
A good night’s sleep
cures a multitude of woes. Food is medicine, and so is laughter, clean
air, and sunshine. With that, I hope that more doctors will practice
functional and integrative medicine soon.
Twenty Four. 25 is about knowing that life is unfair, and that if you have won in the lottery of life, you
have the responsibility to make it fair for everyone. Besides, wouldn’t it
be so sad to live only for yourself?
Twenty Five. Lastly, 25 is
about coming to terms with the three tenets of happiness. First, having an attitude of gratitude. Second, sharing your gifts to other. Third, living a life that is aligned to your
purpose.
Now what?
Now that I’m 25, my wish is that I’ll learn and be able to do more meaningful things
with love, kindness, and excellence.
Audrey Hepburn and Jackie Kennedy remain to be my top two role models. For me, they are more than just timeless style icons.
Audrey was known for her solid work ethic, kindness, humility, talent, and non-diva attitude; she walked away from Hollywood at the peak of her career, with much of her later life devoted to her work for UNICEF.
Jackie was the epitome of good manners, and of poise and grace amidst personal tragedies; with her impeccable taste and sharp intelligence, she reinvented herself as a book editor in the last two decades of her life (and she didn't even need to work.)
God’s will, as I’ve learned, is in line with the deepest desires of our
hearts. It’s a divine calling, not a detailed plan.
As Frederick Buechner puts
it “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness
and the world's deep hunger meet.”
Every day, I have to ask myself that tough question: “Am I even listening?” And most of the time, I come out empty.
It can be hard to heed that call. What you are asked to do often deviates
from society’s expectations and definition of success. Even well-meaning people
can be unintentional dream-stealers, especially when they do not understand
what is in your heart, and perhaps, because they never imagined that it is
possible to depart from the “normal” track and still thrive and be fully alive.
That's why I admire Audrey and Jackie. They were grown-ups, but did not subscribe to the conventions that restricted adults. Like the Little Prince, they knew what is essential and built their life around it. They lived life on their own terms, and the world was never the same.
Because ultimately, 25 is all about living life on my own terms, in line with God's will for my life.
Labels: Musings and Opinions
